Mary Poppins Audition Information 

GEORGE #1: (to Winifred. Katie Nanna is the nanny who just quit and Miss Andrew was George’s strict nanny as a boy) Nonsense! The simple truth is you’ve engaged six nannies in the last four months, and they’ve all been unqualified disasters. I know Katie Nanna looked cross, but never confuse efficiency with a liver complaint. Few women alive could manage Miss Andrew’s standards of efficiency. Besides, we could never afford someone of her caliber. Now Winifred, if you do want to please me, place an advertisement in The Times stating that Jane and Michael Banks require the best possible nanny at the lowest possible wage.

GEORGE #2: (Mary Poppins has brought the children to George’s job at the bank) what is the meaning of this? Really, Mary Poppins, I am not without a sense of humor. But when I was a little boy, I would never have dared interrupt my father. My nanny, Miss Andrew, kept me out of my father’s way, and he’d have been very annoyed if she hadn’t. I shouldn’t think I saw either of my parents more than once a week. They were glad to be rid of me! There was no time for hugs and kisses and all that soppy nonsense. That’s what made me the man I am.

WINIFRED #1: (to George) Jane and Michael want to say goodnight. (George says he’s too busy) George, please… Poor Michael. All he cares about is flying kites, and his beloved astronomy of course. I suppose we do need a nanny, George. It is out of the question to do without one? George, I was an actress. Lots of people might find that interesting…though you always talk as if I should be ashamed of it. Sometimes people say things they don’t mean. 

WINIFRED #2: Michael? Jane? Is that you? Oh, thank heaven! But you’re very naughty to go running off like that and I should be angry as anything… if I weren’t so pleased to see you! (sees Mary Poppins) So, Mary Poppins, if you’re back, are you going to stay? Because the last time you were here, you left without a word of warning. How do I know you won’t do it again? (sees George is upset) Come along, darling. You made a wrong decision, but how bad is that? After so many years of good service? What’s the worst that can happen? We’ll always have what really matters. The children. And each other. 

MARY POPPINS #1: (She has just appeared, having magically seen the ad for a nanny that Jane & Michael created) Good morning. I’ve come in answer to the advertisement. George and Winifred Banks live here, do they not? And you are looking for a nanny? Very well then. Now, let’s see. “Play games, all sorts.” Which I most certainly can. “Rosy cheeks and fairly pretty.” There’s no objection on that score, I hope? I make it a rule never to give references. A very old fashioned idea to my mind. The best people never require them now. I’ll see the children now, thank you. 

MARY POPPINS#2: (in the park) it’s nice to see you, Bert. Come on – you’re due for a break, and you promised you’d take me out when we met again. Or have you forgotten? (Sees Bert has very little money in his cap where he’s been collecting) Oh dear, is that all you’ve got? Never mind. My treat. And no one’s charging for the trees and sky, are they? (Notices something) The wind has changed. I can’t help the children if they won’t let me, and there’s no one so hard to teach as the child who knows everything. So they’ve got to do the next bit on their own. Cheerio, Bert. Keep an eye on them for me. 

MICHAEL #1: (talking about Mary Poppins) we’d better keep an eye on this one. She’s tricky. (To Mary) How does he know you? He can’t know you! You’ve only just arrived! (To Bert) I’ve seen you when I’m with my kite – although it isn’t a real kite. Mary Poppins says we’re playing a game called “A Walk in the Park”. Some game. I’d rather eat spinach. Anyhow, you can’t come with us. You’re too dirty. And we don’t want to go to the stinky park anyway.

MICHAEL #2: (he’s just been yelled at by George) Why does Daddy get so cross? I suppose the mothers look after the fathers when things go wrong…. (Jane says she wants to run away) Why don’t you run away then? Somebody might adopt you. And I could have your toys! (to Mary Poppins) I won’t go to sleep, and you can’t make me! You think you know everything! And I won’t take your medicine, and you can’t make me!

JANE #1: (in the kitchen, being bratty) Mrs. Brill, Mother wants you in the drawing room. She says you can tell Robertson Ay what to do. (Mrs. Brill leaves) Well, don’t just stand there, Robertson Ay. What are you looking for? (Gets an idea) Michael, why don’t we make the icing? Get the eggs! If Mrs. Brill can do it, it can’t be that hard. Even if there aren’t eggs in icing, there are in mine. If Mrs. Brill doesn’t thank me, then she will be guilty of great ingratitude. (To Robertson Ay) Don’t be impertinent, and get me the cake! 

JANE #2: Oh, Mary Poppins, I knew you’d come back! We didn’t have time to put on our coats, because we’ve run away. Everything is upside-down! It’s been so awful since you went away and now Miss Andrew’s come and Daddy’s ruined and we never helped him like you wanted us to and we were too stupid to hear what you were saying, and… welcome back, Mary Poppins.

BERT #1: (looks up to see Mary Poppins with the children) stay right where you are. I’d know that silhouette anywhere: Mary Poppins! Well, I must say you do look swell. (To the children) When you walk with Mary Poppins, you go to places you never dreamed of. And if she says it’s a game, she’s got something in mind. You can be certain of that. (Looking out from a roof) The best view in the world, eh? And who gets to see it? The birds, the stars, and the chimney sweeps. Nothing to beat it, eh? 

BERT #2: (Jane and Michael run into him and are scared since he’s covered in soot) Easy now, your old friend ain’t going to hurt you. (Looks at himself) P’raps I have a smudge or two. It so ‘appens today I‘m a chimney sweep. So, what’s the matter and who’s after you? The nastiest nanny in the world, eh? Well, you two should know. You’ve been through enough of ‘em. I tell you what, why don’t we start things off with a bit of a shake for good luck. Didn’t anyone ever tell you it’s lucky to shake a sweep’s hand? (They do) That’s more like it. Troubles are never so bad when you look at them from a little higher up. And always remember, there’s plenty of folk ready to help you should you need ‘em.

MRS. CORRY: (Mary, Jane, and Michael have just entered her busy shop) that’s it! I’ve run out of conversations! Well, well, well… if it isn’t Mary Poppins! With Jane and Michael Banks! And how is poor little Georgie? Your father used to give his nanny the slip and come into my shop here in secret. Listen, dearie, I remember everything! I remember Georgie used to love my gingerbread. I wonder if we’ve got any left today. (Looks and finds some) There you are. Gingerbread pieces with gingerbread stars. Now – I’m out of conversations, and I’m right out of words too. You see, I’ve had a lot of chatterboxes in here today… but let me see what we have left.
 
ADMIRAL BOOM: (speaks in military jargon) By Jove, is that the beauteous Miss Lark I spy on the horizon? (About the Banks’ house) Dark clouds gathering at Number 17 – storm warning’s overdue. Morning, Bert. Swabbing the decks today, I see. Tell me, how are things aboard Number 17 today? All plain sailing with Mary Poppins, I trust? What those children need is a touch of the cat and a night on the yardarm.

MRS. BRILL: (to Mrs. Banks) everything’s under control, ma’am. The cake’s cooling on the tray, waiting to be iced. Yes, I’m quite sure I know how to ice it! In case you’re worried, I have not been exchanged by the fairies for a total nincompoop! (Mrs. Banks leaves) Once the cake’s done, I’ve the sandwiches next because Madam wants them fresh. So I can’t start them until there’s no time to finish them. I swear, a slave in ancient Rome was on a pleasure cruise compared to my life in this house! The whole world has gone upside-down. 

MISS ANDREW: (to Mrs. Banks) Good morning. My journey was thoroughly unpleasant. I never enjoy travel. You must be poor George’s wife. Your flowerbeds are disgracefully untidy! Take my advice: plant evergreens. Or better still, have nothing there at all, just a plain cement courtyard. (Looks around at house) It’s not much of a house, is it? It doesn’t take a lot to keep you happy. Look at the dust! There! And there! Filth! Has anyone ever cleaned those curtains? (Sees Jane and Michael) Your son will go to boarding school at once! As for the girl, I shall take charge of her myself! Now, show me my room